Re-collected

I didn't have an AT lesson for a while. Today I had my first session with Michelle C, she trained with W & D Carrington at the Constructive Teaching Centre. Yes, I began to establish links with the school.

The lesson was really good and was lead in the way that works for me just fine. On the days like this I prefer to work quietly, but with the natural space for mutual feedback.

On my way to the lesson and before I noticed that I was having all sorts of expectations about it. But to expect means to be fixed, so I decided to let go of that and to pay attention to the process and what is happening in the moment instead.

The first half of the lesson was the chair work. Very gentle walk through the areas of tensions. 'Simply being present to them' was mentioned. Well, in this context, that is being supported by the teacher and being more awake it is somehow easier to refrain from reacting.

The second half was the table work. At one point I noticed that I started daydreaming about something related to my job, something that pushed 'the worrying' button in me. Few seconds later M swiftly moved back to my head/neck to give it some directions. I later asked her if she noticed that I started daydreaming, and she said that she experienced 'disconnection'.

I happily complete the lesson and make an arrangement for the next week. Then walk back home. The lesson continues for me - I am connected with the Technique. This shall inevitably pass, but I am enjoying it while it lasts and attempt to make good use of what is available. The process keeps unfolding...

I go shopping and notice that I enjoy simply being in the moment, being more myself than I am usually able to. I am collected.

Breathing habits

I listened to an interview with Jessica Wolf today (available from Direction Journal). She mentions the breathing aspect of the Technique. One interesting point is made, paraphrasing in my words: what is happening to our breathing is more tangible and easier to notice than what is happening to our neck. We either hold our breath or not, we directly see whether it's shallow, deep, regular, or irregular, whereas with the neck, we might easily deceive ourselves - unreliable sensory appreciation.

In my case, the breathing mechanism is probably the most misused part of the whole system. I suppose there is a deeply ingrained bad habit, or set/chain of habits from early childhood at work here. I remember always having problems with efficient and effortless breathing.

Tonight for example, I went for a short run in the evening. My body wasn't tired yet, but my breathing system was saying: 'no, stop it'. I don't understand the interference at work here, and know that I'll need the help of teacher to be able to untangle all the knots made over the years.

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I find keeping this online notes useful and supportive in my daily practice. This is an exciting time for me, as I can again feel the need, drive and connection with working on myself.

My first lesson after over 2 months break will be on Tuesday evening. No idea what's going to happen there! There's an interesting post about End-Gaining - see Frank Sheldon's website (AT links to the right)

Spontaneity

I decided to get an AT lesson with a teacher trained in the Constructive Teaching Centre:

http://www.constructiveteachingcentre.com/

That's very exciting, I feel like having a lesson with someone who trained with Walter Carrington.

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Lie-down with spontaneous whispered ah in the evening, I guess I needed it.

Man's Supreme Inheritance

Few days ago I began reading FMA's Man's Supreme Inheritance.

I was once given this edition from 1946:



This and two Alexander's book were a gift from a special friend.

I'm not a big reader of Alexander related books. So far I have only read Gelb's Body Learning, Dewey's The Alexander Principle and Alexander's The Use of the Self. The latter was quite a demanding one. I remember reading some of the sentences up to 6 times. Still, this book deserves a very careful and slow reading.

This time I'm planning to read the first part:



Here's a brief excerpt from the first chapter that caught my attention:

... Conscious guidance and control is the one method of adapting ourselves not only to present conditions, but to any possible conditions that may arise.

Begin again

Back in London after over 2 weeks holidays and very tiring travel. This time I didn't have much space for making the transition from 'the rest' to 'the work' mode.

My body was asleep, and so was I over the past few days. Only this evening I started to recover. First, I noticed the resistance and fear of letting go. I began with some Chi Kung and some exercises to make my heart beat a little bit faster.

Then I did a lie-down. What a wonderful opportunity to stop doing unnecessary and to begin again. This was accompanied by quite common sense of 'where was I before?'

Mind and body

This morning I was sitting and paying attention to my body, giving directions. At one point I noticed that I was daydreaming about something - at this very moment it stopped. Then I paid my attention to the neck again, and found it more stiff then before. How terryfying, I thought, a moment of sleep and returning to automatic functioning and the old habits immediately take over.

I suppose that it were the thoughts that produced such reaction in my body.

Non - doing

I took an intentional few days break from the morning sitting practice of non-doing, and today I began again. I was very fortunate to be introduced to this discipline nearly 6 years ago.

I noticed an immediate improvement in my use after completing the exercise, my movement became lighter and more attentive and coordinated.

Just before I began to do nothing though, I noticed the rush to leave the house in order to make it to the appointment with the doctor. I reminded myself that how we get to our destination is as important as reaching this destination itself.

Speaking about non-doing, today I attempted to introduce it at the beginning of various activities, and with different success, although the idea of the success and 'getting it' just seems to be subtler and more difficult to identify form of end gaining.

The World in a Single Breath

Here's the link to the article written by Frank M. Sheldon - The World in a Single Breath.

http://www.frankmsheldon.com/articles/a_single_breath.html

FMS is an AT teacher that amongst others has worked within the Guitar Craft almost since its beginning. He is based in Seattle. I haven't had an opportunity to met him in person yet. I also added the link to his AT Blog - see AT Links.

On the train

I'm on the train, arriving in Tychy after 7 hours travel, only 30 minutes of sleep tonight. I am watching the changing landscape outside, its colours, shapes, objects. No putting labels on it, just seeing, this reminds me of the innocence I used to look at things when I was a child. And then something and many other things have been lost, is this inevitable? Perhaps it is, I don't know.

Constructive rest

Today was the last day of the term at school. Another challenging period, but this time I believe I have done better then before. The Technique protected and supported me while being under pressure. Now it's time for some constructive rest (over 2 weeks!)

At one point today I noticed the colours in the objects around me, as if for the first time. This reminded me that I'm actually quite insensitive visually, and that training myself to be more aware of the shapes and colours around me and maintaining this visual awareness of space is one way of becoming more present.