A shave

While I was having a shave today, I noticed that my attention was drifting. Jacek was day dreaming.

The opportunity for little work presented itself, so I decided to have a shave with care and attention. I noticed the sensation of the blade on my face, the tension in my left hand, the sound of ventilator in the bathroom, holding my breath and finally I noticed rush.

The process brought about a subtle change, apart from some useful release in my muscles, I simply started to enjoy what I was doing more: doing something with simplicity and care.

Sunday

I went to the Mass this morning. The degree to which we are able to engage in what is going on, depends on the degree of our personal presence. Well, that seems obvious.

The open question: are there any down-to-earth, practical actions we can undertake in order to participate more deeply and fully in the Worship ?

One thing that stroke me today was how the ability to be still and do nothing, and thus refraining from reacting to whatever comes our way opens up the doors to different level of experience.

The Alexander Technique as a foundation for the religious / spiritual life is not the often discussed topic.

For me it's essential. In general, the training of the body to become a balanced, alert, tuned-in and responsive 'instrument' is sadly missing in the Church.

Standing like a tree

Last Friday I went for the private Chi Kung lesson with Master Lam. He teaches Zhan Zhuang (Standing like a tree) form of this discipline.

The exercises are static externally, but at the beginning, there's a lot going on internally. The aim is to attain the inner stillness, which is challenging as the assumed positions require a considerable strength, something that muscles initially are not able to provide.

I kept practicing it all the week and noticed that reminding myself to keep the neck free helps reducing and stopping to react to pain and tension, which are inevitable at the beginning.

I'm very keen on applying the principles of the Alexander Technique to this practice. After all, the aim is to be effortless, to apply the minimum amount of tension necessary to hold the positions. Being aware of where the holding occurs was an important point to me last week.

I'm very happy to find this style, and am planning to work on it on a daily basis. It cultivates stillness and provides continous challenge. Is there an end to this exercise ? I don't think so.

You are asked to breathe in and out through the nose, this is in tune with the Alexander Technique. The other style I do demands inhaling through the nose, but exhaling through the mouth. I find this very confusing, and am not really able to maintain it without overthinking and overdoing. I decided to let this go for a while, and concentrate solely on Zhan Zhuang. Better to do 'less', but with quality.

Chi Kung treats the person as w whole, this makes it very attractive to me. Removing the blockages of chi and making it flow smoothly in the body is one of the main principles of Chi Kung / TCM. My sense is that in a way, that's what is achieving with the Alexander Technique, but simply using different tools: stopping repeating harmful patterns using inhibition, alignining with the natural mechanical forces, maintaining coordinated and natural posture etc.

Fascinating stuff I'm looking forward to explore it more.

-------

It's a shame comments don't appear directly on the website. One useful comment has been made, so I decided to paste it here:

Lovely to read this - I've been thinking about 'Standing like a tree' and AT too. (I've started practising chi-gung when I was training as an AT teacher about six years ago, my teacher here is also a student of Master Lam). I am going to suggest that some of my students to practise Standing Like a Tree with me I think - there are so many useful AT ideas to apply. One I find particularly useful is 'arms connected to and supported by back' (rather than shoulders). I think this will help to strengthen the connection for them, and make the flow through from back to fingers more available, as it does for me.
I think we -AT, chi-gung, and many other modalities as well - are all trying to clear the blockages to let energy flow more freely. Apparently the Chinese say 'All disease is congetion, all health is circulation'

Sandra

July 17, 2010 10:10 PM

-------

Many thanks for this contribution Sandra. I'll keep what you're saying about 'the arms connected to and supported by back' in mind. I was looking for an AT teacher with some Zhan Zhuang background, so it's wonderful to meet you.

Jacek

July 17, 2010 10:59 PM

Come back

It's been over one month since I posted last time!

Probably the most important thing that happened during this quiet period were two visit to the Constructive Teaching Centre in East London.



I had two lessons with Ruth, the head of the training. It was quite something I must say. I intuitively decided to train at the place that follows Walter Carrington's line of training the teachers, and my first visit only reinforced my decision.



The tooth ache finally ceased today, now it's time to recover. Yesterday's lesson helped a lot, no doubt, and today I had trust and confidence in saying 'no/stop' before beginning various activities. Lie-down was very useful, a quiet day for me, thankfully.

The third lesson

Before I leave to Ladywell for my lesson I have this wish to walk through Catford, where I'm living, as for the first time. I notice things I normally wouldn't do, very enjoyable walk. Well, I wish I could have this attitude to other things I do and experience.

The lesson today was harmonizing and centering, clearly things are moving on. I feel still and well grounded, almost like the tree when standing - no urge to move anywhere else, this is where I am, and it's the place where I am present to myself and what is around me.

It's interesting how quickly my became still during the lesson, just after few minutes into the work. Yes, stilling the body helped here.

Technique and teaching

I found an interesting AT related podcast few days ago, it's called Body Learning:

http://bodylearning.buzzsprout.com/

I chose to listen to the interview with Harriet Anderson first:

http://www.harrietanderson.com/index_english.shtml

I found the interview very relevant to my current school teaching experience, and just can't help to quote few sentences:

Where we like it or not, we are all performers. Every day life is full of small stage entrances and exits. And whether we like it or not, every time we enter a classroom, we are putting on the performance.

(from The Teacher´s Body as a Teaching Tool - The Alexander Technique and Performance Skills for Teachers, full article is available on H.Anderson's website)

And more from the interview:

If a teacher is living the principles of AT in the classroom, the the classroom atmosphere will be much more conducive to learning, so the pupils immediately benefit from that ... Pupils will benefit from increased alertness, increased sense of well being if they can sense that a teacher is in the state of well being...

What a day

Today was a peculiar day, I felt fragmented from its very beginning. Only after coming back home and doing lie-down I felt that I actually have something to say about what I am going to do next.

Yes, the lie-down was healing today - sometimes you just need to do nothing and watch. The procedure seemed more accessible after yesterday's lesson.

In the evening continue reading Man's Supreme Inheritance (MSI) - just over two pages is more than enough - this is a very rich, and also quite difficult text. I jotted down 11 new words!

AT lesson

It's a lovely weather tonight, I walk to my second lesson with Michelle while listening to one of Walter C's talks: "Economizing on effort".



First 15 minutes of the work: standing, sitting and what is in between & beyond. I feel I am beginning at the place of less effort than one week ago.

Second half: lie-down. I request to go through it as if I was doing it for the first time. This works and is useful - I recently felt that my practice became stale - I got stuck!

Here are few Michelle's guidelines for me I wrote down later in the evening:

No expectations.

I'm not going anywhere.

I don't have to do anything.

No concern about passing of time.

The head is resting on the book.

Enjoy the support of the floor.

Feet are on the floor, knees are going up.

Eyes are resting softly in the eye sockets.

Stay connected with what is outside.

Remember to stop doing!
Then, a bit more work with the chair. At the end of the lesson, after peeling away some layers of tensions, the pain in the lower back gets uncovered, which triggers an emotional state associated with this tension. This apparently is an inevitable part of the process, however it's rather unsettling and uncomfortable. But at least this time I understand how it works, at least I think I do! There's a price we have to pay for change and self-awareness.

Sleep & school

I have an ongoing sleep problem - I don't sleep well and don't really rest properly. Last night I took care of myself (including pre-sleep lie-down) and had more constructive rest.

So I woke up in good shape today, already pretty connected with my body at the beginning of the day. It was really informative to observe how my use deteriorated during the day - I was particularly surprised to notice the tensions gathering in the back side of my body - back of the legs, back, shoulders...

After the lessons we have the department meeting - I don't feel I have much to contribute there, but at least I can contribute with some degree of personal presence - collect myself, and pay attention to my posture and the space around me.

I feel pretty grounded at the end of my work day, I pause before leavening.

And in the evening: AT lesson. More later...

Divided attention

I did an active sitting during watching the movie on my laptop today. My intention was to maintain my attention both in the various parts of my body and what I was watching. A balancing act. My attention would first oscillate between these two, as if there was not enough of it to encompass both inner and outer, but I gently persisted. Then I also noticed more - sounds outside the house and sounds inside the other rooms.

For me, a nice example of how the Technique enriches our experience of life and what is around us.

Re-collected

I didn't have an AT lesson for a while. Today I had my first session with Michelle C, she trained with W & D Carrington at the Constructive Teaching Centre. Yes, I began to establish links with the school.

The lesson was really good and was lead in the way that works for me just fine. On the days like this I prefer to work quietly, but with the natural space for mutual feedback.

On my way to the lesson and before I noticed that I was having all sorts of expectations about it. But to expect means to be fixed, so I decided to let go of that and to pay attention to the process and what is happening in the moment instead.

The first half of the lesson was the chair work. Very gentle walk through the areas of tensions. 'Simply being present to them' was mentioned. Well, in this context, that is being supported by the teacher and being more awake it is somehow easier to refrain from reacting.

The second half was the table work. At one point I noticed that I started daydreaming about something related to my job, something that pushed 'the worrying' button in me. Few seconds later M swiftly moved back to my head/neck to give it some directions. I later asked her if she noticed that I started daydreaming, and she said that she experienced 'disconnection'.

I happily complete the lesson and make an arrangement for the next week. Then walk back home. The lesson continues for me - I am connected with the Technique. This shall inevitably pass, but I am enjoying it while it lasts and attempt to make good use of what is available. The process keeps unfolding...

I go shopping and notice that I enjoy simply being in the moment, being more myself than I am usually able to. I am collected.

Breathing habits

I listened to an interview with Jessica Wolf today (available from Direction Journal). She mentions the breathing aspect of the Technique. One interesting point is made, paraphrasing in my words: what is happening to our breathing is more tangible and easier to notice than what is happening to our neck. We either hold our breath or not, we directly see whether it's shallow, deep, regular, or irregular, whereas with the neck, we might easily deceive ourselves - unreliable sensory appreciation.

In my case, the breathing mechanism is probably the most misused part of the whole system. I suppose there is a deeply ingrained bad habit, or set/chain of habits from early childhood at work here. I remember always having problems with efficient and effortless breathing.

Tonight for example, I went for a short run in the evening. My body wasn't tired yet, but my breathing system was saying: 'no, stop it'. I don't understand the interference at work here, and know that I'll need the help of teacher to be able to untangle all the knots made over the years.

* * * * *

I find keeping this online notes useful and supportive in my daily practice. This is an exciting time for me, as I can again feel the need, drive and connection with working on myself.

My first lesson after over 2 months break will be on Tuesday evening. No idea what's going to happen there! There's an interesting post about End-Gaining - see Frank Sheldon's website (AT links to the right)

Spontaneity

I decided to get an AT lesson with a teacher trained in the Constructive Teaching Centre:

http://www.constructiveteachingcentre.com/

That's very exciting, I feel like having a lesson with someone who trained with Walter Carrington.

* * * * *

Lie-down with spontaneous whispered ah in the evening, I guess I needed it.

Man's Supreme Inheritance

Few days ago I began reading FMA's Man's Supreme Inheritance.

I was once given this edition from 1946:



This and two Alexander's book were a gift from a special friend.

I'm not a big reader of Alexander related books. So far I have only read Gelb's Body Learning, Dewey's The Alexander Principle and Alexander's The Use of the Self. The latter was quite a demanding one. I remember reading some of the sentences up to 6 times. Still, this book deserves a very careful and slow reading.

This time I'm planning to read the first part:



Here's a brief excerpt from the first chapter that caught my attention:

... Conscious guidance and control is the one method of adapting ourselves not only to present conditions, but to any possible conditions that may arise.

Begin again

Back in London after over 2 weeks holidays and very tiring travel. This time I didn't have much space for making the transition from 'the rest' to 'the work' mode.

My body was asleep, and so was I over the past few days. Only this evening I started to recover. First, I noticed the resistance and fear of letting go. I began with some Chi Kung and some exercises to make my heart beat a little bit faster.

Then I did a lie-down. What a wonderful opportunity to stop doing unnecessary and to begin again. This was accompanied by quite common sense of 'where was I before?'

Mind and body

This morning I was sitting and paying attention to my body, giving directions. At one point I noticed that I was daydreaming about something - at this very moment it stopped. Then I paid my attention to the neck again, and found it more stiff then before. How terryfying, I thought, a moment of sleep and returning to automatic functioning and the old habits immediately take over.

I suppose that it were the thoughts that produced such reaction in my body.

Non - doing

I took an intentional few days break from the morning sitting practice of non-doing, and today I began again. I was very fortunate to be introduced to this discipline nearly 6 years ago.

I noticed an immediate improvement in my use after completing the exercise, my movement became lighter and more attentive and coordinated.

Just before I began to do nothing though, I noticed the rush to leave the house in order to make it to the appointment with the doctor. I reminded myself that how we get to our destination is as important as reaching this destination itself.

Speaking about non-doing, today I attempted to introduce it at the beginning of various activities, and with different success, although the idea of the success and 'getting it' just seems to be subtler and more difficult to identify form of end gaining.

The World in a Single Breath

Here's the link to the article written by Frank M. Sheldon - The World in a Single Breath.

http://www.frankmsheldon.com/articles/a_single_breath.html

FMS is an AT teacher that amongst others has worked within the Guitar Craft almost since its beginning. He is based in Seattle. I haven't had an opportunity to met him in person yet. I also added the link to his AT Blog - see AT Links.

On the train

I'm on the train, arriving in Tychy after 7 hours travel, only 30 minutes of sleep tonight. I am watching the changing landscape outside, its colours, shapes, objects. No putting labels on it, just seeing, this reminds me of the innocence I used to look at things when I was a child. And then something and many other things have been lost, is this inevitable? Perhaps it is, I don't know.

Constructive rest

Today was the last day of the term at school. Another challenging period, but this time I believe I have done better then before. The Technique protected and supported me while being under pressure. Now it's time for some constructive rest (over 2 weeks!)

At one point today I noticed the colours in the objects around me, as if for the first time. This reminded me that I'm actually quite insensitive visually, and that training myself to be more aware of the shapes and colours around me and maintaining this visual awareness of space is one way of becoming more present.

Priority

I found myself thinking too much while walking up the stairs today. Then a thought: it'd be nice to have just the right amount, intensity & quality of energy in the 'mind', 'heart' & 'hands'. Yes, it is possible, and noticing the imbalance is the first step.

In the evening realize that I don't need to do what I've been doing today, that is overloading myself with the information from the lectures, internet and so on ... No. I need to do nothing, as much as I can.

So, laptop off, and now to lie down on the floor for a while...

Noticing

It was good to remind myself today how important noticing is in the Technique.

So, what did I notice today?

In the morning, when crossing the street and waiting for the cars to pass by I was tensing and pulling my shoulders up.

In the evening, I was slouching while sitting at the computer. Once I noticed this I stopped collapsing.

So, two instances of mis-use of the self, actually.

Assert yourself

You assert yourself by freeing the neck and going up. These are the words of Walter Carrington from one of his talks. Once I heard this statement I immediately connected it with my work at school, what a tremendous yet simple & practical application of the Technique.

* * * * *

Feel ill again. This can be clearly observed in the body, particularly in the head. How does it feel? As if the parts of the whole were disconnected.

Notes from the first lesson

I browsed through my AT materials recently, and came across the notes from my first series of 10 AT lessons, and in fact the first proper (a long one that is) AT lesson. That was with Rachel, in the Summer 2006.

Taking up the series of lessons was the second very important & formative decision I made in my life, the first being attending the Guitar Craft Course where I actually had my first contact with the Technique (Summer 2004)

It took my 2 years before I was able to afford private lessons, but it was worth waiting.

I found the re-reading of the notes useful, so thought it'd be nice to share them here:

Introductory Lesson (21/08)

Lying in semi supine position.

Three positions of the hands:

- touching the ribs
- on the soft belly
- touching the hips

Recommendation to use the chair for lie-down.

Remark on which leg dominates?

What leg do I start walking with?

Releasing back, left side, right side and front of the neck.

Thinking about the parts of the body as being soft.

Remark on grounding. Always ask where the grounding is?

Where are the eyes?

Accept the support of the floor.

Only do what is needed - sufficient tension.
That was about 3.5 years ago.

Up in the rain

I had to do my lunch duty outside one of the school blocks today. At one point it started to rain.

I used to react to the rain by pulling my shoulders up and pulling the neck/body down, as if somehow it could protect me, or change anything. This I believe is actually quite common reaction.

So, an opportunity to respond. I let my neck be free and go up and enjoy standing and walking in the rain.

* * * * *

And in the evening: guitar practice. A very informative context for practicing AT Principles. Today I keep checking my breath and keep giving myself the permission to breathe.

Automatic thinking

I came back home walking after work today. During this walk I found myself unable to let go of some persistent thoughts about something that happened earlier during the day. Finally, at one point, I simply stopped and paused...

Sense the grounding - pay attention to the space outside - let the neck be free.

Then I continued walking, while maintaining this twofold direction of attention. This lessened the grip of thoughts, without supressing them.

Another day - another opportunity

Listen to more Walter Carrington's talks today - on the way to school and during lie-down in the evening. This is a quality fuel and inspiration for my practice. I prefer listening than reading about the AT, after all the teacher's use is expressed in his/her voice.

Short, but quality lie down in the evening. It actually surprises me how quickly I collected myself today - there we go, were we having expectations? This lie down also reminded me that on the busy days like today, the most useful and constructive thing I can do is simply to stop and come to stillness. It also reminded me that AT is the tool for becoming more present that works for me.

It's always good to be reminded of this. Sure, I know these things intellectually, but seeing & feeling it is a different thing.

Direction Journal

I recently came across an online AT journal with a very good audio resources.

http://www.directionjournal.com/

A collection of Walter Carrington's talks is priceless.

Letting go

Back online after several days away in Leeds...

My current focus in practice is on letting go. I was once advised to ground myself before actually attempting to do it. Indeed, if there's no security, the anxiety might arise - the relationship to what I wish to let go of is fixed and prevents letting go from happening.

Today I paid particular attention to the connection of my sitting bones with the seat.

Recovery

Day of recovery at home.

Active Sitting procedure in the afternoon, following written guidelines from Rachel, my AT teacher in Harrogate.

Few minutes of this seems to be enough today. Notice that this procedure provides a firm basis for a sitting meditation practice, that is, it prepares an alert and poised body that will actively participate in the experience and will be able to 'hold it'.

Also 30 minutes of lie-down. At one point an email arrives on my mobile lying just next to me. An opportunity to practice inhibiting the inner reaction. I don't have to check it now, I can wait.

Demanding day

A demanding day.

Last evening I already felt kind of sick, but this morning was particularly challenging: headache, body pains and general dopiness. I made it to the school and to the lessons, and it went pretty fine actually, but establishing contact with my body resembled trying to talk to someone across the room full of people talking loudly, while that someone doesn't actually want to listen. It was also about listening ... noise, mostly.

So, gentle attempts to let go of the tensions at work...

Recovery lie-down in the evening that turned to a nap, good. More freedom in the body at the very end of the day - look forward to my tomorrow's practice...

Let the neck be free...

I had a very sound and restful sleep last night, how I missed it! No doubts it was thanks to yesterday's new beginning.

What, where and when to practice? A good question. Today I follow my sense and decide to work during my way to school. Pay attention to the neck, and ask it to be free. When I reach the bottom of my stairs I notice the difference and the moment where I have to be careful and make the choice - one can get carried away by the bright ideas in practice and one can be responsive and spontaneous and ... have fun with the Technique.

Well, today I maintain my clear and simple aim throughout the travel.

That itself brought me into collected state. In one moment notice how particular blockage in the neck has been cleared and the energy was finally able to travel freely through the body - down through the spine, and the legs, to the earth. Great, this is more close to what being alive in the body feels like.

The sense of calmness that came through this work extended in the morning and my first lesson at school went great, better than usual. Then, the state inevitably started to diminish, but that's alright, the process has a natural speed and dynamics that have to be accepted.

The second part of the day at work - draining. A recovery lie-down in the evening.

Back online

I'm back online with the AT journals. There are several reasons why I decided to begin writing again.

One of them is a wish to reconnect with the Technique. It's a very special time for me, on one hand there's a nourishment and joy coming from some changes in my personal life / relationship, on the other hand my professional life is quite demanding these days, so I need something practical to keep myself centered, poised & alert. Whatever is going on, good, or not-so-good I need to feel more present amongst it all.

The aim of this journal is to provide space for comments, noticings and observations related to my daily AT work. The other aim is to support my practice and preparations for the teacher training course.

* * * * *

Go shopping in the afternoon, so take the opportunity of having 'an AT walk'. It reminded me of two things: firstly, the attention is needed to do this work, and secondly, this works is actually very practical means of developing attention.

Pay attention to the holdings and tensions in motion.

* * * * *

An AT lie-down in the afternoon. OK, let's get real - without re-establishing the daily practice of this foundational procedure my AT work is going to remain the fantasy. I used most of my 'AT money' up, so need to put them back in the bank again. I won't be able to do much without it - an example? Straight after the lie-down I went to take the laundry out of the machine, but just before bending down I noticed something and said to myself: hold on, there's some misuse just about to happen here. I was alert enough to notice -> respond / inhibit, but it is often not possible, and I think it's because of lack of that 'AT fuel', that lie-down generates.